I continue to fail at getting up early enough to get to the gym and because I don't have enough money to afford a gym that doesn't suck due to my tenuous financial situation, at this point all this blog is, is a source of anxiety and frustration for me. Every day that I don't post is just reasoning for me to beat myself up. There were times when I didn't post exercises, and because I got used to working out alone, this group-competition format grated on me. I've never responded well to people talking shit or trying to motivate my by acting dude-like. The whole "put it down on facebook or this blog and it becomes real" doesn't work, and just further frustrates me.
I am re-evaluating my goals, as I realized that none of them have real, measurable, tangible ends. "Getting bigger" isn't one, and until I know what those goals are, I'm not sure generating another sense of self-hatred is a valuable one. Because that at this point, is the only product I can see, besides marginally larger biceps. And frankly, I don't respond well to shit-talk. Between getting a full time job, my drivers license, doing a class @ NYU, and some research and creative projects, I just don't know if I have the time.
::commence shit giving::
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